even my farts smell like vagina
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
