Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
