I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
