u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
