she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
