she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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