we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
wow bdsm is so cute
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
