I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
