I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
