So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
