Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
