careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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