I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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