Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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