I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
