he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
