Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
FUCK WHALES
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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