It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
