I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
