I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
