Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
