he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
