I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
