Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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