Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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