I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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