You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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