you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize