There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
