Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
PANTIES FOUND
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