So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
