pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
