would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
