He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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