i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you win again, gameday.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
