I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
