is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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