I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
