I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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