We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize