If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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