Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
