at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
