so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
