Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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