Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Randomize
