Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
