Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
