if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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