I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
