Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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