She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize