his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
false alarm. still invincible.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize