He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
