I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
