Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
