I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
