I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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