Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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