me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
