New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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