Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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