New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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