false alarm. still invincible.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize