Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
