Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
