bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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